Recent reviews

Our latest album reviews, featuring the records we've most enjoyed (or not) over the past few weeks.

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Browse our album reviews according to score: Highest (9.5/10 or more) or Lowest (2/10 or less)

Neon Blonde

Chandeliers in the Savannah
Dim Mak (2005)

When it comes down to it, negative reviews serve one purpose: to invoke laughter from the reader. After reading reviews, bands aren't going to say, "Hey bandmates! Zed from Scene Point Blank said our new album blows chode. Let's have a band meeting under the waterfall in ten and discuss how we're going to please Zed's ears." Actually, with the power and influence some online zines have, maybe bands do care about that stuff. Then again, if it's a hardcore record and you write a negative review, it's considered talking shit and who knows what to expect from that. But, we're not talking about hardcore punk music, we're talking about Neon Blonde's Chandeliers in the Savannah, an auditory menstrual cycle that isn't even productive if you brush it onto a canvas. This is a negative review. Before anything comes out of the butt, it goes into the mouth. For vocalist Johnny Whitney, this includes such greats as The Blood Brothers and not so greats as Soiled Doves. The stool that is Neon Blonde most resembles the pop conscious of The Blood Brothers' Crimes with a lot more crotch thrusts and dance beats. The resemblance to The Blood Brothers probably has … Read more

Dissolute

Intermittent Parasitic Oscillatior
Daredevil (2006)

For this Cleveland math-metal band, this release has been a long time coming. It was several years ago that I … Read more

Protest the Hero

Kezia
Underground Operations (2005)

I have this friend. We'll call him "Max," because that's his name. Max has said some questionable things in the … Read more

John Vanderslice

Pixel Revolt
Barsuk (2005)

I get the distinct impression that John Vanderslice might be a bit of a flake. But after spending some time … Read more

Arctic Monkeys

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
Domino (2006)

In years to come, when the inevitable "I <3 2004" rockumenterary hits television with its small army of washed up … Read more

Struckdown

Revolution
Indianola (2006)

I hate one-sheets. In case you are not as media savvy as everyone else, a one-sheet is a sheet of … Read more

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One from the archives

She Killed Poetry

Shut Out the Silence
Imagine It (2006)

Mediocrity is not a hard thing to come by in the metalcore genre. In fact, since every metalcore band has decided to rip off Prayer for Cleansing and Heaven Shall Burn, metalcore has become a little too stagnant in this As All That Killswitch Remains Dying "scene." She Killed Poetry would easily fall off the radar for me, for this band is the definition of insignificance. I'll start with the first impressions since that's kinda what sunk this album in the first place: the cover art is terrible. Shut Out the Silence's cover art is a photograph of a topless girl in some painful pose (dying dramatically?) with the colors washed out. Of course there's no actual nudity, there's no fun allowed in this type of metalcore. The band are … Read more

More album reviews

Ed Gein

Judas Goats and Dieseleaters
Black Market Activities (2005)

Dear Lord, this album is a mess. It is tough to get a handle on what is going on initially, partially because Ed Gein had been described to me in two ways: as a grindcore band, and a tech metal band. After hearing Judas Goats and Dieseleaters, I full on disagree with both descriptions. Ed Gein's sound contains elements of … Read more

Nizlopi

Half These Songs are About You
NOVA (2005)

There's only one place this review can start, and that's with the song "JCB". A delicate, soft pop song with innocent lyrics, drawing on all the heroes and protective influences of childhood. Placid guitars, a relaxed voice and with an air of sitting under the one grey cloud on a sunny day, knowing you can get up, walk ten yards … Read more

Fight Like Hell

Demo
Independent (2005)

Let me just give all of you a big fat heads up: Blood Money Records sold out of this demo, so if you were thinking it wasn't hot shit, or that because you aren't from Denver and haven't heard of Fight Like Hell, you are very mistaken. Turns out, anybody with good taste in music already owns this demo. Probably … Read more

The Suicide Machines

On the Eve of Destruction (1991-1995)
Noise Riot (2005)

The Suicide Machines have been a band for a long time now. Close to fifteen years, actually. In that time, they've released 6 studio albums, a retrospective compilation that included two new songs (2002's Least Worst of The Suicide Machines (1995-2001)), and even recorded a song with fellow Detroit "musicians" Insane Clown Posse while both groups were on Hollywood Records … Read more

The Advantage

Elf Titled
5 Rue Christine (2006)

Unlike movies, video game sequels eclipse their predecessors. The graphics are better, the gameplay is tightened, and the quantity of visible buttocks is increased. For The Advantage, a band that only plays video game covers, their second full-length has to be better than the first. For all the gamers in the house, warm up your thumbs and say goodbye to … Read more

Mommy and Daddy

Duel at Dawn
Kanine (2005)

I probably should have known something was up when two thirds of the reviews I read of Mommy and Daddy's Duel at Dawn talked more about how much fun they are live when you didn't quite know what to expect from them than about the album. Let it be a lesson to me. Who knows? Maybe, had I been in … Read more

New Electric

New Electric
The Perpetual Motion Machine (2005)

In 2005 we saw the amount of instrumental bands coming out rise significantly. Most of these bands either sounded too soft and sparkly (resembling Explosions in the Sky too much) or too over the top and heavy (sharing too much in common with the likes of Isis and Pelican). The Brooklyn quartet, New Electric has found a medium between the … Read more

Sufjan Stevens

Illinois
Asthmatic Kitty (2005)

What is the sign of a "great" record? What defines a classic? Is it a cult following? Musical virtuosity? Ambition and drive? Three chords and the truth? All these questions will be answered within this review. Maybe. If you're still unaware of the young and illustrious Sufjan Stevens, you're either a My Chemical Romance fan who's still not discovered "the … Read more

Multiple Authors

Girls Aloud

Chemistry
Polydor (2005)

Tits 'n' arse, right? Well, yeah, that's basically what it's all about. Skinny girls showing their skinny flesh to not-so-skinny girls and pubescent boys who are sitting at home, pretending to make out with the one girl that's unfortunate enough to appear on a poster with her mouth open. Tits 'n' arse, always a success. Who cares how it sounds? … Read more

Multiple Authors

Girls Aloud

Chemistry
Polydor (2005)

"Girls, all I really want is girls / And in the morning it's girls / Cause in the evening it's girls. I like the way that they walk / And it's chill to hear them talk / And I can always make them smile / From White Castle to the Nile" I think The Beastie Boys sum it up quite … Read more

Pageninetynine

Document #8 (Reissue)
Robotic Empire (2005)

"Punk Rock should mean freedom, liking and accepting everything that you like, playing whatever you want, as sloppy as you want as long as it's good and has passion." Leave it to a band that exuded and wore passion on its sleeves to open their album with a sampled quote of Kurt Cobain to emphasize this facet of their collective … Read more

Dead Hearts

No Love, No Hope
Reflections (2005)

"Buffalo is the second largest city in New York State but it's dying slowly, it's a cold gray place: rusting where the Niagara River meets Lake Erie. I've seen a lot of people watch their dreams get crushed by this city. It seems like Buffalo just gets into your blood and poisons it with cynicism and bitterness. We have a … Read more

Crimes of Passion

Demo
Independent (2005)

If you made a list of all the bands currently playing the style of music labeled as metalcore, you could fill up 30 or 40 pages in Microsoft Word. There are that many of them. Luckily, for every five bands ripping off At the Gates and Hatebreed simultaneously, there's a band doing metalcore right. Luckily for us, Crimes of Passion … Read more

Graf Orlock / Greyskull

Split
Dood (2005)

Unless you're backless, you have a backpack. What do you have in your backpack? I'd imagine there's a collection of paper, pens, and hidden condoms. Then again, maybe you have one of those packs equipped for bicycle riding. Oh, watch out for that bump! Just kidding. You're in the comfort of a house on a computer on a chair. Under … Read more

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Browse our album reviews according to score: Highest (9.5/10 or more) or Lowest (2/10 or less)

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