When bands attempt to emulate the punk rock sounds of the late seventies, there are a couple elevators to enter. The first elevator travels in the direction of older bands at a trajectory so similar to them, it's scary. Scary good. If the newer band had released their songs in the past, they would be remembered alongside bands like The Ramones, Sex Pistols, etc. The second elevator looks exactly like the first but travels at its own speed. This path is for bands that take the punk rock influence and mix it with other subtle sounds to create a hybrid. The end result is a sound that's both contemporary with a solid foot in the past. The Cheats Life's Shortââ¬Â¦ instead takes a third elevator that moves at a generic speed into a basement of unnecessary temperatures.
All analogies aside, Life's Shortââ¬Â¦ consists of sixteen tracks of "punk rock 'n' roll." Three of the songs are covers of Blondie's "Hanging on the Telephone," Cheap Trick's "Surrender" and Demolition 23's "Hammersmith Palias." When the miniature laser in the CD player reaches these songs it's obvious. Just like The Cheats' originals, there is the verse/chorus/verse/chorus structure. Unlike The Cheats' originals, the covers instantaneously hit ears that don't want to close after a few seconds. It's not that The Cheats have a bad recording, nor do they lack the talent required to play their instruments. Instead, what we are presented with is hollow, contrived and poorly written songs that lack the minimal "oomph" that punk rock so greatly kicked our parents asses with.
It's easy to quote the press sheet that comes with a promo and make fun of it. Especially when it says, "A breath of fresh air that happens to smell like stale beer, cigarettes, and dirty sex, The Cheats will be around a lot longer than any of these punk and EMO poseurs will. You need this. You know you do." Does that really need any commentary?
This album isn't worth your time unless you're really drunk. If you decide to inebriate yourself the shitty sounds of Life's Shortââ¬Â¦ will become even shorter and closer to a state of bearable.
