During one of his spoken word performances, Henry Rollins once noted that it is as if someone freezes Slayer in a block of ice in-between tours and recording; they are completely unaware of the fact it's not 1983 anymore but still continue to make music as if it was. In their twenty-something year career, they haven't really "progressed" (began sucking) and have a fairly consistent musical formula throughout their entire body of work.
I'd have to agree with this statement, which, consequently, makes their new album, Christ Illusion, almost impossible to review. Truth be told, if you're reading this you probably are already a Slayer fan, or have at least heard Slayer before. With that being said I could make comparisons to the classics, Reign in Blood and Seasons in the Abyss, or I could take the "more cred than you" approach and start name checking stuff from their Metal Blade days, stuff that was released before I was born, but that would prove useless. This is Slayer and therefore it fucking owns! And saying just that provides a very clear distinction from other groups in the genre. Metallica is good - sans St. Anger, Megadeth is awesome, and Iron Maiden pretty much rules; however note that none of them have earned that empowering pre-modifying adjective of "fucking." Well, when discussing Metallica, St. Anger doesn't merely exhale air, it "fucking blows." Note the emphasis, in the same way that Slayer doesn't merely "kill it", Slayer "fucking kills it!"
If further proof is needed, visit any of the Myspace pages for the aforementioned bands. Metallica's fans leave comments like, "You guys ROCK 4 LIFE!!!" or, "JUST WANTED YOU GUYS TO KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, I DONT THINK YOU'RE SELL OUTS. ROCK ON" while Megadeth's fans are saying things like "I'm going to the Gigantour in Columbus, OH. It's gonna freaking rock!" Now that's devotion, but look at the comments Slayer fans leave: "FUCKIN SLAYERRRRRRRRRRR!" or, "New album fucking slams it home guys. Love it, especially Skeleton Christ and Supremacy. METAL UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!", and my personal favorite; "u guys are kikass i saw u at the long beach arena i jumped off the balcony and sprained my rist to get in ur pit!"
You see, only a band like Slayer could make you abandon any ambition that you have to read and write with least a fifth grade proficiency. Only a band like Slayer could make you want to kill your parents, your friends, your teachers, or pretty much anyone else who got in the way of you drinking beer. Not classy beer either, I'm talking Budweiser or Miller. Only a band like Slayer could make you look at old, ready to be put out to pasture, heavy metal women; women who you aren't at all interested in, and think "I want to bang the life out of whatever those pussycats got left in them." And if you've been listening to enough Slayer, you may be just crazy enough to do it, only to later find out it's your dad's hairdresser from Mastercuts; you know the one in the shitty strip mall of your dead-end town. But you don't care, because you've been listening to Slayer and know you're going to sacrifice a cat afterwards or something crazy! The faith killers, the beer slammers, the chick fuckers; SLAYER FUCKING OWNS!
Lastly, a short anecdote that demonstrates the true power Slayer has over people being exposed:
Back in May I had taken a trip Europe with a friend of mine who is a Born-Again Christian. She was going to see her friends who are also Born-Again Christians. I noted that one friend of hers, who is a total Hessian, was wearing a Slayer shirt. So I asked him about it, "How can you be wearing a Slayer shirt, but totally be all about the Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?" He responded with, "Dude, have you ever heard South of Heaven?" "I understand completely", I said, satisfied with his answer.
