Review
Sir Millard Mulch
How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and for All

Mimicry (2005) — Michael

Sir Millard Mulch – How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and for All cover artwork
Sir Millard Mulch – How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and for All — Mimicry, 2005

If I had to nominate an album for the most bizarre and intriguing release of 2005 thus far, I would have no problem choosing Sir Millard Mulch's How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and For All for that award. This two disc album - marketed as a three disc venture for comedic purposes that I'll explain later - contains sixty-four tracks of Casio-inspired surf-guitar/acid-rock/noise/mania that is an audio accompaniment to a 200+ page book that Mulch has also released. I haven't read the book, but my bet is it's just a zany as this album.

Sir Millard Mulch, whose real name is Paul Mavanu, is not only a musical composer, but also an author and an essayist. He has written pieces on a vast array of topics and by doing so has amassed quite a cult following of musical admirers - some of which contribute to this release: Devin Townshed of Strapping Young Lad, Nils Frykdahl of Sleepytime Gorilla Museum, Chris Parsons of Estradasphere, Morgan Agren of Frank and Dweezil Zappa's backing bands among many many others made contributions to this release.

Over the course of the two albums - fittingly titled "Creation" and "Motivation" to coincide with the album's general title - Mulch and his bunch of coconspirators venture through what I can only best describe as a myriad of new-wave, rock, metal, and jazz perfect those who like to do acid, mushrooms, and all other sorts of drugs. But this doesn't mean you have to be on drugs to enjoy this, though I have a sneaking suspicion it may help. Occasionally Mulch diverts from his original adventures in music and fills the time with spoken word tracks, mock commercials ("Dennis Rodman Fukking Basketball 1998"), and even touch-in-cheek covers: Creed's "Higher" and Mr. Bungle's "Merry Go Bye Bye" just to name a couple.

Essentially this two disc venture is an inside-joke that nobody gets and was likely created to open a portal to Dimension-X. Or at least that is this reviewer's interpretation. And while it is not an album to be taken seriously, there are occasional moments spaced throughout the discs that I found myself actually enjoying the music as music. I suppose I have some sort of involuntary disposition towards liking Mulch's music as I grew up listening to a lot of 80's pop and new-wave; there for those damn Atari-esque keyboards/snyths draw me like a hooker to drugs.

Finally, there is supposed to be a third disc, which is given the subtitle "Transmutation" containing the track "Mundus Imaginalis / Journey to the Underworld of Buyer's Remorse." If the sarcastic title doesn't clue you into its lack of existence, then you're an idiot and deserve to be conned out of all your money and live the rest of your life as a hobo.

It's not surprising to find out that admirer Trey Spruance (Mr. Bungle) released this effort on his own label - Mimicry Records. Spruance is known for releasing left-of-center endeavors and Mulch's release is exceedingly left of left. I won't suggest this album to just anyone, if fact I'm not really sure whom to recommend this album to. If you've got money to spare and are looking for something to completely blow your mind, then by all means go out and purchase How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and For All.

4.5 / 10 — Michael • August 4, 2005

Sir Millard Mulch – How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and for All cover artwork
Sir Millard Mulch – How to Sell the Whole Fucking Universe to Everybody... Once and for All — Mimicry, 2005

Recently-posted album reviews

Contention

Nuclear Summer
Daze (2026)

Contention, I would argue, has spent the last few years at or near the top of the heap of the return to 90's styled Straight Edge Metalcore. I am being specific because there is no mistaking Contention's influences nor their message. This is a STRAIGHT EDGE band that is far more indebted to Morning Again that anything that uses a … Read more

A Secret Revealed

The Ruin I Summoned Forth
Lifeforce (2026)

There are albums that use heaviness as an assault and others that use it to create an atmosphere. On The Ruin I Summoned Forth, A Secret Revealed manage to does both. The German quintet’s fourth full-length is an enormous, bleak piece of post-metal, but calling it post-metal only gets you part of the way there. Black metal cuts through its … Read more

Time Spent Driving

Lost Leaves
Thirty Something Records (2026)

There's a particular challenge facing bands that came out of the late '90s and early '00s emo scene. You can recreate the sound people remember and risk becoming your own nostalgia act, or you can abandon it entirely and risk losing whatever made the band matter in the first place. Time Spent Driving choose neither on Lost Leaves. More than … Read more